I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
