What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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