these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
