found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
