He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
