he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
