everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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