I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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