i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
