I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
