There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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