I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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