I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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