I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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