I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
