had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
