I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I want is dick and wine.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
