i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
