Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
