His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
