I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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