having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
