I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
