So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
