I heard we made out
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's blow job season.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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