You're completely useless in the revolution.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
