The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
im about as happy as oj after his trial
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
