I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
