You really coming over, don't trick.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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