WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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