Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
