i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
