weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
