shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
