her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
