im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
