just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
