if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
