My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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