Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
