I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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