don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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