Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
