i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
