david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
