Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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