His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
