Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you would pick up someone in the library
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
