nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Farmville is her only friend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
