I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
