I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
