Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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