I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
