you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
